Everytime I think of writing a blog article, I'm struggling real hard, because whenever I hit the New Post button, I am just stunned. I don't feel like writing anymore.
I guess I'm kind of in a month of rocky mood. I begin questioning myself, am I important to anyone at all? I keep telling myself to be contented with what I have. I have two great friends, I always feel that they are important to me. Then, this question came recently; Am I important to them? I can't answer this question because I don't feel my presence important at all because it didn't matter to them. If it had, I would have received messages asking why I was so quiet recently.
In bunk, I felt happy because my mind was pre-occupied with conversations. But I can't truly feel happy, especially so when I wake up in the morning with nothing in my mind. I would feel that emptiness in me, again.
While I don't know Gordon as much as I do for some, or even as long as others, his constant asking me of going to his birthday party meant something for me. I can't tell if he asked me because of other reasons or because I am important because I am his friend. But at least I felt his sincerity and he really wish I could celebrate this joyous occassion with him. At least he remembers to invite me.
Now, I'm not trying to say I lack of friends. I think I have tried real hard to keep some people I thought was important in my life, the joy we spent, the memories we had. Yes, I may seem as though I am begging for a friend, but I'm done trying. I quit trying. I can't always be begging when I have no lack of friends. Neither would I put it in a way that I am very important. Well, truth is, there is no need for me to beg others to be with me.
I guess it's time I shift my attention to something else. Apparently, there is just so much friends are able to help. In fact, I am quite amazed by how a person can read me so well in just that short 4 months. I guess he is the only one person who understands me best to date because no one, absolutely no one, can read me like a book.
It's time I show some confidence, it's time I show the world who the boss is. And this time, I am serious about the change. There is no turning back.
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